She creates….

In the beginning she created her story. Many would think that the story was useless, unneeded, pointless. This has never been farther from the truth. Just as there have been others in the past there will be more as time leads on, never stopping to pause and breathe. We all know many of the previous stories that she has written, as many are famous throughout the world. The problem is though, that they are never famous in her time.

Some have been written in her attic where she hid with her family and others have been written and published as novels to only be met with scrutiny and judgement. How dare she write the truth of her condition(s) and the truth of her experience. Society tells us that her voice should go unheard. That her job is to serve her family, her loved ones, her “owners” that her life is not her own. And that she should be grateful for it. She should feel blessed to even have a family, others to serve. She should be grateful for life itself, no matter what her heart and soul is trying to scream at her every morning, everyday that it has to go on being ignored. Being neglected.

She continues on each day simply because this soul capsule has its own will and drive to stay alive, to survive. If it were up to her, she would have left this world many times over in hopes that the next one, the renewed iterations would be better, would be different, would allow her to pursue what her soul is instructing her to pursue. The simple pursuit of happiness is what she keeps being told should be enough for her. “Spend your life pursuing that happiness and you will find contentment”. But how is that it?

Is that really all that she should be thankful for? The idea that she can continue to toil away and struggle for years in hopes that the constantly dangling fruit or ideal of achieving your goal is enough to make you feel fulfilled? What if she feels the need to express herself deep in her bones, her heart and mind cries out for it on a daily basis. The world tells her it is a wasted ideal, a waste of time and energy when she should be happy doing her normal 9-6 job, 40 hours a week, helping someone else become a millionaire, all to put money in the bank for bills, keep a roof over their heads, and food on the table. Gone are the days that the spouse brought home the bacon on their own, gone are the days where everyone had time to pursue passions, hobbies, learn new skills simply because it interested them and nothing more. Now are the days where the side hustle is required and working 24/7 is expected for lower pay than before.

And yet, something inside her is screaming, causing her to be “distracted” as others state. She is always becoming lost in the dream world of what things could be, if only her dream could be reality, if only she could earn an income doing what she loves. Each return her love is something different, it has been writing many times, her soul seems to return to this often, but other times before it has been song, music, various instruments, drawing, painting, architecture, but always at the center of it all has been the calling of her soul to expression. The sharing of her inner world, her inner feelings, inner turmoil at the state of the world, and the cage it has created for each of its inhabitants.

Why and how she continues to go on day after day, can only be attributed to her current soul’s capsule. Capsule is deliberate in that her soul which yearns to be free of its confines, cannot exist in this plane without a capsule which makes her feel captured, a held prisoner, until this capsule expires and she can be released.

So today she once again feels that the world is her captor and not her oyster. She yearns for the opportunity to learn and hone her skill in art, in expression, instead of continuing to be an ant digging a useless tunnel for a colony that only sees her as disposable. If she were to reveal herself to them they would turn against her and either destroy her or cast her out. So, instead, she just continues to create, as best she can.